Over

Okay, last Thursday was the last day of my exams. So basically, I already had a week off of school.

I went out to Eatons on Friday, gamed all Saturday, did my taxes on Sunday.

Monday and Tuesday was spent on building a friend's computer.

Finally today, I was out with friends at Yorkdale and then a friend's house.

I bought a tennis racket from head and a pair of Levi's. The tennis racket was marked down from 200 to 120, which was a pretty good deal, comes with a case and bought a can of balls as well. The Levi's were also on sale. I got the 506, skinny tappered; just because I can fit that. They were 85, but now 60. But on both of them, I got 10% off, because of the SPC card. Pretty sweet.

I feel horrible again. And like always, I don't know whats wrong. It just kind of strikes me whenever it pleases. But there are a few things in my mind troubling me.

For one, do you ever have to fight yourself to make a decision? Neither seems wrong, yet neither of them seem right. In that position, what do you do? Trust your instincts and feelings? Well, right now it is a battle between feelings and logic slash whats "right". This on going battle between these two sides have been happening for a couple months now. The solution is to do something, or not. So far, I just left it, so I did nothing; only because I don't know whats better. There are both up and down sides to each solution, it would be a gamble if I chose to act upon my feelings. The stake of this gamble would probably lie on everything around me right now; what matters most. If I stay with whats "right" I sacrifice feeling for what I already have now. In this position, what do I do? What would you do? What is the best choice?

Sometimes I also feel like I'm not apart. Maybe I just think too much, or maybe I am dead on. I don't think I'll ever find out. Sometimes things are better not being known. But I can not help myself but to ponder on these thoughts. So, if I'm not apart, where do I belong then? Where is it that I stand in this world. I feel so pointless. Day after day of the same things, what is the purpose? Why can't I make myself enjoy the things around me more? Am I the one thats not walking? Or was I left behind?

I just want to shoot myself and end my life. Over and done with. This way, all my pain and suffering will end, and I shall just feel nothing, wouldn't that be so much easier?

Perhaps deep down inside I just need a moment to myself and just break down and cry. Even if it was possible for me to cry on demand, what would I be crying over? I don't even know. It would probably feel nice to just break down in tears.

Sigh

Okay... I already finished 2 exams, Economics and Calculus.

How did I do?

Horrible.

After both of the exams I felt so bad, because I knew I had done horribly.

A friend told me that the final mark of Economics was up already, so I went and checked.

I got a 62 for a final mark. That really means I got like high 50s for my final exam. I knew I did bad, but really? That bad?

What about calculus then? Probably even worse... =/

I need an average of 3.4 to get in to program, my last semester's average was 2.6 and now this happens. It is not possible for me to get a 3.4 any more. This is impossible.

What am I going to do if I don't get in to program? Is it even possible to re-do first year? If not, that means I would have to switch to another program. But the problem with that is there is absolutely nothing else I'm interested in. So then, now what?

What am I supposed to do in this position?

One more exam left on Thursday morning. Let's hope I don't screw that one over as well.

After a couple weeks of feeling fine, now I feel like shit again.

I can't believe this. I was fine, up until officially today. This is so annoying.

Extremely irritable right now with built up energy, I don't know what to do.

Just FUCK!

I have so many things distracting me from studying. Studying also makes me realize how little I really know. And I forgot all of my fucking calculus. And I never learned shit for Econ! :@

Exam is in 4 days, what the fuck!

... I can't do this.

help me......

Can't Study

Oh my gosh. I really dislike studying. Someone should invent a way to input knowledge directly into the brain like they do in the first Matrix movie; where Neo is injected with many different fighting styles and etc. That would make life so much easier wouldn't it. But then again, I think that would create more problems than it solves.

I did just over 1 practice exam in the span of 2 and a half days at the least. That is extremely unproductive. I just cant seem to concentrate at all. This stuff is just too boring for me, on top of that, the questions that I can not solve requires me to look up my notes on the process of how to solve it. Rather than providing us with solutions with the answer key, they just give us the answer key. How generous.

I have so much built up energy in me right now; that would be the result of staying home for the past I don't remember how long anymore.

I want to play volleyball! I haven't done that in so long. I also want to see everyone from school again. It's been so long, from both UTSC and high school. I miss you guys. =(

Hmmm, I want a butterfly knife. Make that 2. 1 real one, and the other will be the dull one, with holes drilled in it. to practice =)

Okay... I should get back to studying, or at least attempt to. =/ Stupid exams!

Here We Go Again

Look! The last day of school has come and gone, and now it is the study break. That can only mean one thing. Exam time is here again. This is the time when students puts their nose back in to the text books and self made notes to study.

I have a total of 3 exams, one on the 13th, 15th, and 22nd. Shouldn't be that bad. The 13th is 1 week from today. Time management skills: On!. Wait... I don't have any of that... or I would always be caught up. In fact, I would probably be ahead of class if I had any time management skills.

My economics exam is first. Thats the courses where I have no idea what is going on. And I have already forgotten everything that I "learned" for the mid-term. I better get higher than a 85 on my final though. I really need that 4.0. That should be my motive; but I have a hard time focusing on uninteresting things like studying. Unless its something of interest such as cars, computers, girls? Haha.

On the 15th is my Calculus exam. I think this one should be easier on me because I kept up with work every week and the quizzes did not seem that hard. Then again, my TA was extremely easy.

I am so glad that I am done that calculus class. Fucking professor is so bad! I could barely take the last 2 hours with that stupid bald fat bloke. Finally it is over. You have no idea how glad I am because I don't have to attend his lectures anymore. From now on, as soon as i see his name in future lectures, I'm taking another lecture regardless as to how inconvenient it is.

Between the calculus and my last exam, management, there is about a week of time to catch up on notes and study for it. It should be more than enough time. But the problem with having one whole week on only 1 subject is that you only have that 1 subject to study the entire week. There is no other subject to study to change things up. It would end up getting very boring and irritating to study for. Studying is irritating to begin with.

But thats to deal with in a week, right now my focus is on 2 subjects thats coming up in 1 week. That should be enough variety for me.

After my exams are done, I have about just over a week of a break to relax and do what I do best, nothing. Then I have summer school to attend to. There is no summer for me this year :(. After summer school, it's fall, and then the year starts again. My next Summer is one year away. I never planned to attend summer school. I actually wanted to go back to Taiwan to see my grandparents, family, shop (things are so cheap there s2), and chill.

But I can't go back, so whatever, I'll just go back next year. What can I do?

And I think I feel better now, no more anger? Touch wood?

Custom Water Block

Consider a normal after market heat sink for a CPU. Costing about 30, 40 dollars. It is medium in size and has only 3 U shaped copper heat pipes with aluminum fins. With a normal fan, this heat sink can probably lower the CPU temperatures from 80 at Load to about 65 or so at load assuming no over clocking.

Now Think of a liquid cooling water block for the CPU. the mounting system is similar to that of a normal air cooled heat sink. But the liquid cooling block is really just a leak proof little compartment where water flows through. These cost anywhere from 40 dollars for a cheap one, and 90 plus for a more expensive one. Without nozzles or anything else that it requires to work.

Air is a less conductive substance than water. Also water requires much more energy to have its temperature raised thus absorbing more heat from the CPU.

If you have seen pictures of the inside of a water block, it is basically raise thin fins that water flows through. These would absolutely fail if they were used as air coolers.

Now, since air coolers are designed so that even they are able to lower temperatures using a much less effective method of cooling, then they in fact must be more efficient at transferring heat. Which brings me to my idea/point. If you can make a little box, similar to a reservoir around the fins of a air cooler heat sink, then have water running through that constantly, would that not make a better cooler than a normal water block? Assuming you have the time, tools, and materials to make such a thing, I believe you can make this and make it even more effective than a normal water block, based on my previous assumptions are true.

I would love to try this, but it requires lots of money, something that I don't have.

GTX480

If you're into computer stuff, then you probably know about the GTX480 already. To simply sum things up from the reviews I read, it is basically one very hot, very fast GPU.

It Idles at around 73 degrees Celsius. and at full load, it hovers around the mid 90s. That might sound high, and in fact it is high, because the limit for GPUs and CPUs is at 100 degrees. The idling temperature is ridiculously high. My GTX 275 is only at around low to mid 50s. That is considered normal if you have an nVidia card. It is lower for ATI cards. It has 4 heat pipes popping out of the plastic decorative shroud, and I believe it really needs those cards before igniting in to silicon dust.

Considering that this card idles at an extremely hi 70 degrees and loads up to 90 degrees. I believe if you get an effective liquid cooling system for this card and drop the temperatures to "normal", this card should have so huge overclocking head room available.

This card is considered to be really fast compared to the last generation of graphics cards. But it was delayed for half a year, giving ATI a DirectX 11 monopoly for that time and establishing market control. The GTX480 is a direct competitor to the ATI's 5870. Which it does beat, but at a higher price point, temperature, and power consumption. Although I don't think anyone would really care about power consumption unless determining the power requirement for your power supply. It doesn't make sense if you look at it because why would you buy a supercar, say Ferrari, Lamborghini, or a Porche and criticize its fuel economy?

It doesn't beat it by much, but it does beat it by a noticeable amount.

This card is mostly made for tessellation, and great at anti-aliasing. When turning up the AA, frame rates usually drop by a noticeable amount. When comparing apples to apples, the GTX480 takes less of a hit than a 5870, which is hugely impressive. To make it even better, the scalability of SLI is much more efficient now with this new generation of graphics cards.

Though I am mostly an nVidia fan, but I am supporting ATI in the new generation of graphics cards, simply because they are priced better and they support features that are more practical like Eyefinity rather than Physx (okay, this might be a little useful), but 3D vision isn't. You still have to wear those glasses for them.