Out Of Rhythm

I guess you can tell that I'm going over a few emotional bumps from the previous posts. Usually my posts are rather neutral. Yea, you're right, I'm not in my best mood in the past few days.

Carrying on from that post where I mentioned that the one thing that you value the most is right in front of you and you can't have it blinds the value of everything else. I was driving home one night (naturally, I still wasn't in the best of moods), I thought to myself "I feel terrible and miserable. What is there that I could buy myself to maybe cheer myself up?"

I started with more practical items such as food and beverages. The following is a conversation within me.
"What would you like to cheer you up?"
"I dunno..."

"Maybe something to eat? McDonald's? Timmies?"
"I already ate, and I don't even want their fries. And Timmies, I don't really want coffee, it's a bit late..."

"Chips? You wanted chips for a while, we could go to Shopper's and pick up a bag."
"No.. it's unhealthy, and I'm too lazy; probably not on sale anyways..."

"You're impossible to please!"

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Then I blanked out for a while; while driving.

"Let's think a little more outrageously for a second... What if you had all the money in the world, What would you like? A Ferrari?"
"You know that is ridiculous... Besides I don't have a thing for Ferraris..."

"Your Evo?"
"Sure, it would be a nicer car than this one that I'm driving... but it's still a car..."

"A big house with a closet filled with your favourite clothes?"
"So what, I look nice, look comfortably, but deep down inside..."

"Okay fine! What if you had some cute girls with you right now?"
"I'll talk, it will take my mind off of it, but won't make much of it...."

"I think you're sick. What if you got laid?"
"Don't be silly, and I'm not in the mood."

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Yea. See this is what I'm trying to say. I can't see the pleasure in anything else anymore. That one thing is the one thing that I value, and I can't have.

What am I going to do with myself...?

- Emotional roller coaster

- My thoughts, made tangible